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Below are the 17 most recent journal entries.

	2008.10.19  14.34 " We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school,athletics,artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school,drop out,quit jobs,leave lovers,move,lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather,we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule,most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place."

	2008.08.30  11.48 Boomboxes and Dictionaries The Gaslight Anthem 1. Are you male or female?: Young girls ain't suposed to die on a saturday night. 2. Describe yourself?: I'm broke and I'm hungry. I'm hard up and lonely, I've been dancing on this killing floor for years. 3. How do people feel about you?: We should remember to slow down more often and maybe we will. Theres a lotta good things coming our way right now, A lotta bad has passed but we survived the breakdowns All is forgiven, water under bridges now. 4. How do you feel about yourself?: We were the magnificent dreamers, In secret lamplight hideouts. We swore the world couldn't break us, Even when the world took us down. 5. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend?: And I'll love you forever if I ever love at all Wild hearts, blue jeans, & white t-shirts 6. What would you rather be doing?: And we sing with our heroes thirty-three rounds per minute We're never going home util the sun says we're finished 7. Describe where you live? But here the days will eat you alive, But I won't give in tonight. You said it's not worth my time, And not to regard them. And not to settle just for peace of mind, I could wait it out all night. 8. Describe how you live?: I worried and stalled every night of my life. Better safe than making the party. And I never had a good time, I sat by my bedside, with papers and poetry about Estella. With great expectations, we had the greatest expectations. 9. Describe how you love?: Because the radio will still play loud, Songs that we heard as our guards came down. Like in the summertime when we first met, I'll never forget, and don't you forget, These nights are still ours. I still love the way you smile.

	2008.08.29  12.49 It's got me on my knees in a bathroom, praying to a god I don't even believe in, "Dear jesus...are you listening?" If this is the one chance that really matters, don't let me fuck this up. If you had told me about all this when I was fifteen, I never would have believed it....

	2008.08.26  07.18 On A Freezing Chicago Street Margot & The Nuclear So and So's 1. Are you male or female? I'd say I'd do it alright, kid You're a tough chick 2. Who are you? working for the tip don't paint your lips and don't bite; they're baiting you and don't cry, 'cause they want you to. 3.Describe your neighborhood. put your helmet on walk these streets of gold with cigarettes you hand rolled 4.How do you look? I just said the first three words that popped into my head, let me off the bus, I'm tired and sore and should probably change clothes. 5. What is love? I could love you I could love you Until I go into the ground 6. If you could say one thing to the person you love, what would it be? And its hard to go to bed with you still running through my mind But you make it so much easier to leave it all behind and then you fly me to the moon while singing country songs i would lie in bed 'til morning breaks if it weren't for my alarm. 7. What’s your secret? I did a horrible thing to that girl I bread my misery and drowned it in her And she got me high And I hardly noticed there were tears in her eyes 8. Are you strong? mama, i'm sleeping it off worn thin from red lights and scotch 9. Where do you wish you were right now? When I woke my back was broke from lyin on the floor Sunlight poured through all the cracks in my front door 10. What do you think about your best friends? Cause I have been left alone by the people I've known. And I don't know when they're coming home. 11. What do you wish you were doing right now? And Jen is bringing the drugs. She's gonna get me fucked up. 12. Any words of advice? Do what you like you dont have to be nice just pour yourself a cup of coffee leave anytime you dont have to be right youve gotta live the best you know how 13,What do you think about drugs and alcohol? and thursday was harder to take with these pills piled high on my plate, so i swallow each one in a haze. in a cascade of light, i was saved. 14. If you could say one thing to your enemy what would it be? Then war breaks, and you're swinging the gun But when the bomb drops You're stuck counting cracks in your teeth 15.What do you usually do on Friday nights? And I'm wasted You can taste it Don't look at me that way 16. Are you for world peace? They smoked him out He was draft dodgin some war Till they found him out And he came wanderin in the night to his mom and me And he said times, they gotta change, but so do we 17. What would you do if you won a million dollars? I want to live and die in a small apartment On the fifteenth floor of a New York skyrise 18. What do you think about your school? and i can't talk to you the way i've wanted to, i've been telling lies, but i'll tell you the truth. darling, i'm tired, and i should be leaving, 19. How are you feeling right now? And I'm sleeping alone, In a house I don't own, 'Cause if you're touring your mind, You'll get lost every time. 20. Any closing words? Wake up you've got a lot of things to do Wake up the sun is rising without you

	2008.07.04  16.47 let the ghosts sleep, just shut your eyes and burn the past away. This time of night I could call you up.I'd get angry with athletic ease - break common laws in twos and threes.(if I die clutching your photograph don't call me boring it's just cause I like you.) Oh take me on back take me on back and take me back...to the place where I could feel your heart. Is this the end or just the start? of something really really beautiful wrapped up and disguised as something really really ugly. Won't you... Come by and see me? I'm a love letter away. I'd break your name before I'd say: "I really love you/loved you". Now I don't care if you saw, I watched every inch of film flash across your roman features - and I loved it, loved it. No I don't care if... You think I'm eager to shut your eyes. Well I'm sorry everybody knows you can't break me with your gutter prose. (Would you believe it she sent me a letter? The ring it nearly weighs her down. She's got another boy, oh boy.) Steady your ears, steady your ears and read my lips.Poetry is not a luxury, it's how I break this home. And when I'm really ill won't you cradle me? Man is not a noble animal but maybe woman is.Remember I heard you... Inside your room you said " you never really live until your back's against the wall" Oh did you really mean it? No, I never break my gaze, if just to see the scar remain;reflected in your eyes. I think it's time to go home. Oh tell me your thoughts, tell me your thoughts on liberty. See there's a place where I sink to sleeping. She said "Oh, my vote is as red as my blood" Will you join me for another round? I haven't had the chance to speak yet God Speed... I break the law once every week to feel your touch. What's a book to you in bed? Do you feel better? Older? This just makes me ill your name is dripping from my pen. Still, you're not around to curse.I'll drop the gun now I'm still under you.

	2008.06.29  22.12 +/- june 28th +birthdayyyyy +went shopping and blew money on things for myself +got to drink spitfire +fireworks +pinata full of booze +got to play dress-up +had cigarillos +ate like a champ all day -no birthday card -no cake (weirddd) -no gifts other than money or booze -some people not coming out to party all in all it was a sweet day. kinda felt just like any other party but the fireworks and the pinata was what made it for me. so pretty much the best birthday i've had so far and one of the best days in general lately. i actully felt older on my birthday for once. i feel like i'm twenty now. as scared as i was of it before, i learned more in that one night than i would have imagined. i learned alot about myself and everyone around me. i'll take that for what's it worth.

	2008.06.28  15.53 day one So, I'm officially twenty years old now. I feel the same and I don't at the same time. Birthdays have always been weird for me. It's been a good day so far though. Went shopping and spent a ridiculous amount of money on myself which I never do unless it's in the form of something alcoholic. One of the purchases is a really cute dress that I'm going to wear tonight. Hopefully my tit won't pop out or anything. Probably my biggest concern so far being twenty, so looks like things are going well. Hopefully tonight ends up being fun. I like knowing that something is planned but not knowing what it is. I also like to think I'm lucky for that. It's not very often that I get surprises and I feel that as I age they'll continue to happen less frequently. At least I have awesome friends though so let the good times come.

	2008.05.20  15.33 Everywhere, everywhere, everywhere It's all so plain, it's all a plan It's all so plain to most everyone The sky doesn't ever end The air just gets much thinner further up You could keep digging down and down A thousand graves down without turning around or finding hell

	2008.04.08  05.15 I got good at feeling bad and that's why I'm still here Can't sleep, these are the best time killers ever! edit: the artist is kimya dawson / i don't think anyone will read this Describe yourself: part of me will know deep down that i am pretty cool the part of me that knows i never cared for being cool How do some people feel about you? but me i would never purposely hurt you i might give you a wet willie and a noogie or two you are my brother from another mother even when we argue we still love each other How do you feel about yourself? it doesn't matter what you look like, doesn't matter what you sound like doesn't matter if they like you, just remember to be kind Describe what you are thinking right now: what would i do when you've had a few? oh would i stay or go away? would you grieve if i chose to leave? what would you say if i was in pain? Describe where you currently live: Now I'm home for less than 24 hours That's hardly time to take a shower, Hug my family and take your picture off the wall Check my email write a song and make a few phone calls Before it's time to leave again Your best friend is? I was always strong as long as we were a team I crawled into somebody's heart who meant the world to me love made me strong enough to be alone and set me free but with my friends, friends to the end, is where I wanna be Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend: now that I see the way you do things the way you play and sing's amazing but the way you play the game is crazy you don't have to say you're sorry you don't owe me anything Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend: I like boys with strong convictions And convicts with perfect diction Underdogs with good intentions If you could go anywhere, where would you go? take this job and shove it adios I'm a ghost I am leaving for the coast and I'll never work for anyone again Describe what you want to be: maybe next year she'd get a guitar make up some songs and sing them in bars the people might love her and call her a star If your life was a television show, what would it be called? move into the starting over house What would you ask for if you had just one wish? i wish my brother could always be happy but because he isn't he is strong just like me What's the weather like? the nights will get shorter and the days will get better What is life to you? And telling the truth the best way that I'm able I'm placing my cards all face up on the table It's ok to be scared, you don't have to act tough Just take all that pain and turn it into love Describe how you live: 'cause I like going for hikes and riding bikes and playing video games in the middle of the night and I'll stay up late and I wont even care that we're getting up early to go to the state fair I'm gonna ride the biggest ride it'll be out of sight then I'll share an elephant ear with you if you'd like because we are alive so we've gotta live life to the fullest you spin the bottle and I'll dim the lights four five six seven minutes in the closet Describe how you love: Gave me a push and he started singing I sang along while I was swinging The sound of our voices made us forget everything That had ever hurt our feelings If you could change your name, what would you change it to? I like France, Alita and Clementine What is the best advice you have to give? this is just a test take it with love and you will pass you will be rewarded if you do your very best nothing ever goes as planned so don't take anything for granted if you do the world will kick your ass

	2007.12.05  01.34 ... And I'm calling time and temperature just for some company. I wish you were here. I wish I was too. I'll drink myself to sleeplessness, I always do.

	2007.11.14  11.33 it's been a long time So I stayed up all night and this is what I've resorted to. You know the only kind of surveys I can ever finish are the lyrics ones. I'll probably update this again soon, I'm having trouble sleeping lately. Anyway, music survey time! (I chose The Knife cause..I wanted to) 1. Your current relationship status: Wish I could speak in just one sweep What you are and what you mean to me Instead I mumble randomly You stand by and enlighten me 2. Your first love: you touched my heart like a knife that's very sharp or like a bird you just set free that's just like me 3. Do you believe in love at first sight? I'm in love with your brother, what's his name? 4. Your most recent ex: Has he mentioned my age, sug, or is he more into young girls with dyed black hair ? 5. Your Best friend: Punk rock t-shirt, black cap and tattoo The first things I noticed about you 6. Sex: sharing different heart beats in one night 7. Marriage: Got a home, a dog and a man to call my own 8. Life: or don't know how, don't know what to say is it medicine or social skill? don't have answer and nobody will do it screaming or without a word being sane is a full time work 9. Death: Rumours telling me you are mourning and you haven't slept for several days 10. Your regrets: before I knew about the equality way I wanted to get laid to Take my breath away 11. High school: Yes in a dream all my teeth fell out A cracked smile and a silent shout 12. Your worst enemy: You could have locked yourself up For ten years or so And when you finally came out There would still be no chances for you 13. Authority: She was laughing while pressing the keys She said my favorite book was dirty and "You should not shout, you can read." 14. Politics: They said we have a communist in the family 15. Your religious stand views? To call for hands of above to lean on wouldn't be good enough for me 16. Monday: I'm coming over but I won't be long 17. Tuesday: We learned how to stay fit and things like Green-tones hide the blush 18. Wednesday: When we come home, we pull the curtains down Making sure that the TV is on 19. Thursday: in the first row on the First Floor Power show 20. Friday: I wasn't really looking for some more than some company on the dance floor 21. Saturday: we aimed for high speed and for someone who could catch me 22. Sunday: Here comes another day in isolation 23. Coffee: I'm the taste on your tongue 24. Tea: we meet up at our favourite café I'll order a chai tea and you will have the usual au lait 25. Alcohol: Red wine and food for free, a possibility 26. Cigarettes: Who wants to be ordinary Who wants to be sweet 27. Lunch meat: It must be safe when it's on TV 28. Food: So where's the femininity The one with skirts and high heels A shiny sink and home made meals 29. Color: and we raise our heads for the colour red 30. Anything you'd like to add? we seek and we will find reason to stay alive the price has never been this low

	2007.01.11  17.00 the movie closer is really really sweet. i think so anyway/

	2006.03.28  01.24 want. did I say want? I shouldn't say want. I shouldn't say shouldn't. you're confused?... I'm trying to eliminate my ego but that action is ego itself. all action is ego. are you following me? -Frank McCourt

	2006.01.09  09.13 school is such a drag sometimes. i'm not used to waking up so early. but hey, it could be a lot worse. yeah, if you can read this then i probably miss you. sup with the lack of hanging out?

	2005.12.15  09.41 1* First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Somethingorother 2* Last person you said I love you to: Can't Remember. 3* Last song you sang: The Used - Listening 4* Last person you hugged: woah, no clue. 5* Last thing you laughed at: your face. 6* Last time you said I dont remember: five seconds ago. 7* Last time you cried: a while ago. 9* What color socks are you wearing: white 10* What's under your bed: junkk 11* What time did you wake up today: 8:02 am 12* Current taste: toothpaste 13* Current hair: ponytail, i guess. 14* Current annoyance: schoolwork 15* Current longing: breakfast 16* Current desktop: some gay ocean shit at school, arkata at home 17* Current worry: meh 18* Current hate: this computer chair. 19* Current clothing: nike shoes, white socks, jeans, belt, black sweater, white tshirt, bra, underwear. 20* Favorite physical feature of the preferred sex: Do clothes count? I like a guy that has a sense of style. 21* Last CD that you listened to: some mixed one probably. 22* Favorite place to be: in bed, or kelly' s hot tub. 23* Least favorite place: schoool. 24* Favorite sex position: 69696969 LOL 25* If you could play an(other) instrument: Drums 26* Favorite color: Gray/Grey 27* Do you believe in an afterlife: most of the time. 28* How tall are you: i don't know anymore, at least 5'9 29* Current favorite word/saying: clearly..or douche 31* Favorite book: Wasted 32* Favorite season: Summer. 33* One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Alyssa. *FUTURE* 35* Where do you want to go for college? algonquin, maybe humber or fanshawe 36* What is your career going to be like: im aiming for advertising/graphic design right now but that could change. 37* How many kids do you want? probably at least one...eventually. *HAVE YOU EVER...* 39* Said "I love you" and meant it: I only say it if I mean it. 40* Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish, etc: Nah. 42* Been to Florida: Went to Disney World a few years ago. 43* Been to California: Next winter I'll be headed there. 44* Been to Hawaii: i wish. 45* Been to Mexico: no, but my grandma lives in new mexico. 46* Been to China: nope. 48* Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day: Not that I can think of. *RANDOM* 52* Do you have a crush on someone: only famous people. 53* What book are you reading now: cherry. 54* Worst feeling in the world: stuck. 55* What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning?: "ughhh. more sleep" 56* How many rings before you answer: probably 2-3. 57* Future daughter's name: havent thought about. 58* Future son's name: this one either. 59* Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: not really, no. 60* If you could have any job you wanted what would it be? Game tester. 61* Someone you wish were here: someone to entertain me. 62* College plans: I'll be there sooner than I think. 63* Piercings: septum and tongue. *THE EXTRA STUFF* 64* Do you do drugs: sometimes. 65* Do you drink: tequila tuesday! 67* What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use: Pantene Pro V 68* What are you most scared of: loss. 69* What clothes do you sleep in: tank top and shorts. 70* Who is the last person that called you: Sam. 71* Who is the last person that you called: Sam. 72* Where do you want to get married: somewhere nice. 74* Who do you really hate: hates too strong of a word. 76* Are you timely or always late: always late, my moms a slacker. 77* Do you have a job: never. 78* Do you like being around people: Usually. 79* Are you for world peace: Yes. 80* Are you a health freak: No. 81* Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: Not really. 82* Do you want someone you don't have? famous qts? 83* Are you lonely right now: nope, just bored. 84* Ever afraid you'll never get married: i dont really care that much. 85* Do you want to get married: maybe. 86* Do you want kids? eventually. *IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...* 87* Cried: maybe from yawning. 88* Bought Something: i'm a brokeass. 89* Gotten Sick: No. 90* Sang: Yes. 91* Said I Love You: nope. 92* Wanted To Tell Someone You Loved them: perhaps. 93* Met someone: not anyone new. 94* Moved on: from what? lol 95* Talked To Someone: Yep. 96* Had A Serious Talk: kinda. 97* Missed Someone: sure 98* Hugged Someone: nah 99* Yelled at someone: i hope not. 100* Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be With: mehhh

	2005.12.08  09.44 ugh ugh ugh, i feel like shit today. oh yeah. i forgot. you really don't care.

	2005.04.10  04.30 OMG, friends only?! leave a comment, i'll add you back.